Getting a head start on the dough

well, trying to anyway...

Since we're about 12 weeks away from travel I decided it was time to get
serious about the $100 bill issue. There's a pretty bank in front of my
office building with a fancy name, like something off of Monopoly. Anyway,
I don't "bank" at this bank, but I figured since it was close I'd see if they'd
save bills for me. I walk in and there's NO one at the teller desk.
I look over to the right and there's two gals whispering excitedly. Looks
like gossip to me, but what do I know.

Finally one worker decides to acknowledge my presence (there isn't another
customer in sight) she plops herself down into her chair and asks how she can
help me (riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.) Never asks me to have a seat. I suppose I
could have sat down, uninvited, after all I am the customer, but as a
matter of pride I remain standing during our brief, but in my mind, comical
conversation.

Her "How can I help you"

Me "I'd like to know if you can order money from the Federal Reserve" (Ok, I
KNOW the answer to this is NO, at least it's been no at the other banks
I've tried, but hey, this bank has a fancy 5th Avenue-ish name and maybe they've
got some pull even though they're officially located in the Chicken Capital of
the World.)

Her "What do you mean, like coins?"

Me "No, I need new bills."

Her "What do you need them for."

WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

Me "I'm sorry, I don't see how that's relevant. Can you order bills or not?"

Her "Um, I don't know. You'll have to talk to the teller manager and she's at lunch."

Me "Well do you get new or nearly new $100 bills regularly?"

Her "No, I don't think so. We don't have much retail business."
Hell, I don't think they have much any kind of business. I'm still the only
customer in the place.

Her "Oh, here she comes now."

New Her "How can I help you?"

Me " I'd like to know if you can order bills from the Federal Reserve."

New Her "Oh no, we just get what they send us."

Me "Well can you save new bills for someone?"

New Her "What do you want them for?"

Okay, come on. Am I being a snot here or what? What business reason is there to know what I'm going to use the money for? To me, it's just nosiness. If I were to ask to cash a check at my bank for $5 k, would they ask me what I was going to do with the money? I just don't think it's their business! moving on...

Me "I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't see how it matters what I'm going to do with the money."

New Her "Well do you have an account with us"

Me "No, but I'd open an account if I knew you could get the money I needed."

New Her "Well if you were a customer we could hold money for you, but we
couldn't promise you a certain amount of money. We'd only have what we'd
have."

At this point, I feel a bit like the duck in the Aflac commercial when the
guy says, "And they give you cash, which is just as good as money!"

GOODBYE AND THANKS FOR NOTHING.

So I've got a grand total of ONE bank saving money for me, and the fear here is the lady saving the money gets canned or runs off to Swaziland before it's time to pick up the dough. In which case the conversation would go something like:

"Hello. My name is Bonnie Buttercup and I'm here to pick up the money Ms. Runaway was holding for me."

Them "Oh, I'm sorry. Ms. Runaway is no longer an employee here."

Me "Well she was saving new bills for me and I need to pick those bills up."

Them "Well I don't know anything about that, and I don't see any bills being held here"

later from the adoption agency...

"Dear Bonnie, I just received this from the CCAA, what does it mean?"

"The CCAA regrets to inform you that your recent
incident at the Bank of Chickenland has voided your recently issued Travel Approval. We wish you the best of luck in the Georgia Chicken-penitentiary.

Regards,
CCAA"